Hey everyone it is Neha with College Shortcuts. I am so excited to be doing this video here today because I know this sounds crazy but it’s a huge issue and a huge topic in the dynamic of a parent and student relationship. So, today I’m going to be going over that so that you understand why it is so important now. Remember this is Neda Gupta owner College Shortcuts where we help students get into the college of their dreams every single day. We absolutely love to do it. I’m so glad to see you guys on as we go live. I would love for you to comment. Say hello! Let me know where you are from and any questions you have please post in a comment below because we are going live and I love answering any questions that you have currently. Now, I’m going to go ahead and put a comment right below. We are doing our Early Bird amazing amazing specials right now. I want to make sure that we absolutely give you the link to that so you can go right for it. So, today’s video is a little bit about why your kid is not motivated or why they are not listening to you. I’m going to talk about something a little more difficult here today but I think it’s an important thing to think about now. I don’t know if you’ve seen this movie but I highly recommend it. It isn’t theaters right now and it’s called Lady Bird. This movie is actually all about a student’s experience from deciding to apply to college to actually getting into college and all the stresses that happen with it. Now there are some things in it that most parents probably wouldn’t find appropriate. But I want it at least spark your interest because I did get an incredible invite to meet with the cast and actually see the movie because I’m one of the top college consultant. So, I want to talk to you about just the fact that you know this movie came out to really kind of stir the emotions of what happens in this process. Now, one of the things that happens and I think it’s so fascinating. At the beginning in the movie what happens and it’s in the trailer. I’m not giving anything away. But there is a point in the movie where the mom is talking to her daughter about getting into college and you know it’s become a fight in a car situation. They’re driving somewhere and she literally the daughter. I know it sounds a little exaggerated but listen to this as they’re talking. She was just “You just go to state school then you’re going to go to jail and then you go back to state school or maybe you’ll figure out what you need to do”. The daughter was so frustrated with the situation. She opens her car door and as the car is moving she just jumps out. The reason I talk about this is because a lot of people don’t touch about the stresses around you know the college process. You know and one of the big things that’s really stressful around it is that there’s a lot of you know hopes dreams a lot of intense conversations that can happen. But I want to give you one statistic here because I think we forget about how much a child might want to just step out of the car was moving during some of these conversations or how stressful they are. There’s even situations where she’s talking to her college counselor and the college counselor is laughing in her face and saying “Haha you’re definitely not getting in there”. She said “It was my job to be realistic with you”. It really kind of crushes her dreams and completion. So, just so you know suicide is the second leading cause of death for people between the ages of 13 and 17. Let that sink in for a second here because you know it’s insane if you think about it roughly. That was according to Center of Disease Control and Prevention. Also, you may not know this but 16 percent of high schoolers. Every single year seriously consider killing themselves due to stress. Due to not feeling like they’re good enough and feeling like they’re not hurt. That’s really frustrating to hear. I mean I think one of the biggest things that we need to solve here is how do we create better relationships where parents don’t feel like they’re just a megaphone yelling at their kid. Students feel like they’re heard and listened to. They see that 62 percent of teenagers feel like their parents are totally distracted and not even listening when they speak. So, there’s a lot of what I call and I used to say this about my mom. “I’m speaking Chinese, you’re speaking Japanese I’m like We’re just on different pages and it seemed like we’re just two ships passing all the time”. That’s very very stressful. So, I want to talk to you today about three of the big issues around college admissions and why your kid is not motivated or not listening to you. So, I talked to actually 40 moms today. Yes, crazy enough! We called over 250 parents back. Some of them were like “Neha I called you a while ago”. I’m so sorry. We have been so slammed here College Shortcuts trying to return calls. One of the big things that stuck out to me today was “Neha I’m calling you because I have a great kid but I just can’t motivate him to do anything.” I thought it was so fascinating because she was like “I’ve tried everything” and he’s just not motivated. I mean she does well. Wow! He’s just not motivated within himself. So, I constantly feel like I have to tell him everything to do all the time. It’s very frustrating. Well the thing about it is you know let’s be honest. As adults, are there times you don’t listen to your own parents? I mean are there times where you’re like “I don’t really want to take that advice or I’m really not interested or I just say aha okay sounds good great”. Then walk away do whatever I want. Well same thing can happen with teenagers when they feel that there’s criticism involved or if they feel like their lack or if they feel like they are unable to really feel worthy in what they’re trying to do. So, what happens is parents will continue to try the exact same strategies over and over and over. In the case sometimes will say really harsh things. I’m not saying that teenagers don’t do the same thing but the same thing can happen on both sides. So, I want you to understand that one of the best ways to combat the situation of “I can’t motivate my teenager”. Is to get a mentor in between. See, like I said in my last video. We used to live in a world where we didn’t live in this like isolated communities. Like you had 20 people living in a house. You had family nearby. So, there were all these mentors in between. It wasn’t just the parent using the megaphone on what you need to do. It was more about the fact that you had these mentors around that would help. Now, today people are so busy it’s hard to find a good mentor. It’s a major reason why I do what I do because I love it when we’re able to heal the parent and student relationship and that the student feels empowered and has better communication tools and is feeling like they’re motivated and excited. Another thing to note is a lot of times it’s in one ear out the other with parents you know. They’ve already heard enough. They feel like they’re just hearing a list of things from you and they don’t really want to hear it. So, when you hear it from sometimes a third party it makes a completely different experience. So, I have two camps of parents I deal with. There’s one camp that says “Neha I’m going to do it myself. I don’t need you and I’m going to keep yelling at my kid. I’m going to try to force them to do what I want.” That’s one camp. I see them all the time. Then I have the second camp that are like “Neha it looks like we both have the same end goal and if I need to use you or your team to make that happen so that I can have a better relationship with my kid then so be it. I understand the importance of mentorship and the fact that not everyone listens to their parents all the time.” Think back to when your kid was 2, 3 or 4 when they were saying no to everything and throwing massive tantrums. So, now they’re not throwing tantrums. They’re isolating themselves or they’re not sharing things with you or they’re sitting in a room alone or they’re playing video games for hours or watching Netflix for hours. Well, that’s because the relationship is severed and so they don’t look at you as a friend. They look at you as someone on the other side of them. That’s the major problem when it comes to try to motivate your teenager and force them to do things. I’m telling you this because I have a strong personality. I’ve always known this about myself. Maybe I didn’t know what as a teenager but with my mom and me both having strong personalities. It was like two heads butting. I mean we fought a lot. I think it’s really important for people to realize that having a mentor or having someone in between. If you have the goal of wanting your kid to have incredible life to be healthy, happy. There’s nothing wrong with getting a mentor to help motivate them. To help say similar messages and to hear it from somebody else because in the end don’t we all want the job to get done. Yes, we do. Second issue is that I hear from parents all the time. This is what heard today. That was really funny. I just really want my teenager to like want to do it. I was like “Wait what exactly you want them to do?” I want my kid to want to organize their planner. I want them to want to study for hours. I want them to study for the SAT. on their own. I want them to be excited about getting in college like know what they want to do. I was like “Do you want a teenager as a kid or do you want a thirty-eight-year-old adult?” Because the truth of the matter is most teenagers would rather be on Snapchat or Instagram taking selfies at the movies, traveling or binging on TV because that’s what teenagers want to do. I’m sorry to say that guys like you’re not going have a teenager who is like wakes up in the morning and makes their own breakfast. It’s like “Mom I’m going to take an Uber to School and like makes all A’s then comes home. It’s like “Oh my god I made a perfect on my SAT”. Sorry guys that’s like not reality. So, you need to work with what you have and understand that a lot of times the reason they don’t want to do it is because they don’t have the right things in place. So, I’ll give you a great example. I don’t actually ever want to go to the gym. Ever like ever! I’m don’t wake up in the morning like “Yeah gym time!” Like no, actually this morning I don’t even want to go the gym. But I had someone there waiting for me to workout with them. I was like “Okay I’m committed I have to show up. I have to be there.” Halfway through I am like a beast. So, again sometimes having a little bit of accountability to get the momentum of the motivation going and then you let go. They’re like “Okay I got it I figured out how to study better. Okay Neha I got it.” or “Okay I got an A in that class”. Okay you know halfway through the semester. Thanks dude I figured it out. You know things like that can be really really helpful versus yelling and badgering and hoping that they’ll do it on their own and telling them that like “Hey you should do this on your own. Why do I have to tell you to do everything? Why?” That’s really frustrating right. I’m telling you this because I went through it myself. Guys, I’m not hating on you as moms. I’m not hating on my mom just you know there’s light at the end of this tunnel. My mom and I have a great relationship. We have a great time on the phone. We have great time talking. There is light at the end of this tunnel. Don’t worry but you have to be willing to do a little bit of personal development around how you approach your kid. The last thing I really want to bring up here today. I see there’s some viewers and I’m not seeing any comments here. If you are watching this video. Please like the video. Share it with your friends or message it to them and make sure to comment below. Because then it pops up really high and in the Facebook stuff. So, make sure to do that. I see there’s a ton of you guys on my YouTube channel and on my Facebook. We help students get into their college of their dreams. Today I’ve been talking a little bit about how to help, make your kid listen and be motivated. Now the last thing I want to talk about is the raging hormonal changes that happen when you are dealing with the student. Now one of the big things most parents don’t realize is first of all most of her kids are speaking at a level where we think of them as adults. In a way like I talk with my 7-year-old niece and sometimes I’m like it’s like a little adult I’m dealing with because they’ve learned so much through YouTube and video and so much stuff. Their language is really good but there is emotional intelligence is squat. So, it’s really important to understand that hormones are changing and they’re not. They’re still not sure who they are. So, when you’re trying to motivate them and get them to listen and even if you say critical things it like really sticks inside them. So, I just want you guys to understand why it’s so important to understand your kid is going through some major changes. They’re not the same. You know if there was a parent handbook made for kids from ages 0 to 21. Let’s say that that would be like. Like I don’t know 5000 pages long because every kid goes through different shifts in each cycle. Right, like a two-year-old is not the same as your eight-year-old. Not just your one kid isn’t the same as this second kid. So, now your parenting skills are not working. Right, so it’s really about understanding that a lot happens with your kid. If you’re really wanting to motivate them. You’re really wanting them to listen. There’s something beautiful about having a mentor in her life. I’ll tell you a story, I was working with the mom. It was so crazy. I was working with her. Her name was Leslie and her kid where I’d say kind of a didn’t talk very nicely to her. It was really frustrating to her because first of all she was embarrassed about it. But the second thing about it was she was frustrated with the entire situation. To me I was like wow this is really frustrating to watch. What eventually happened was you sign up with us for tutoring test prep and eventually for college consulting. Got into the college that she wanted. She got into Yale, it was amazing. One of the big things that happened. That was huge to me, almost even more important than getting into college was she was able to have a much better relationship with her kid. She had a mentor who she felt was holding her accountable. So, her mom Leslie and her could both go to dinners together or spend other time together while she had all her homework done. All her test prep was set up for college applications were done in three weeks. So, instead of the mom being the megaphone and I say Mom a lot because a lot of times the dads take a backseat. I’m sorry to say it but there are some dads that don’t but I’ve about 85 percent in our client base. We’ve seen the dads take a back seat and then moms are doing everything. It’s really frustrating. This is a lot to take on you know so I relate to you and I get you and I understand. So, it’s frustrating when you’re trying to do this with someone who is like literally not listening to you. But you know later on it’s going to be amazing. So, in the case of Leslie she now has this beautiful relationship with her daughter. They talk about everything. They were very open and she loved the fact that having a mentor who even talked about their own stories of having challenges in high school. Seemed a little closer to age and was like kind of like an older sibling. It made a big difference to that child. So, I talked to the daughter later her name was Laura. I talk to her later and she said “You know honestly if I didn’t have a mentor in my life even if it was through tutoring or test prep or SAT ACT all that stuff. I think I would have hated my mom a lot like I would’ve been really harder on her because she just would yell at me all the time instead. Instead having you guys be positive with me and make it fun like I just I really enjoyed it.” So, I just want you guys to know that there’s a reason why your teenager is not listening. There’s a reason why they’re not motivated. I hate to say it but it’s because sometimes you’re the parent. That’s just how it is. I want to say hi to people. Hi Nikkia! Nice to see you. I love you big time. Hi Gladys! Good to see you too. Good to see you as well. So, I want you guys to know this video is to just kind of be authentic and real and just tell you the truth about why students need more mentors in their life. Lady Bird by the way incredible movie I urge you to watch it. It really showcases the complete and utter failure that can happen between a mom and a daughter and a dad. Like the amount of stress, pain, frustration that can happen in the college admissions process. The lying, the non-communication that can happen. You know when we work with families is the exact opposite experience. So, I just wanted to give you guys some information below. Of course, I put a comment below. On my YouTube just say “Yes” and we will definitely send you that information for my Facebook livers. Go ahead and comment below. But in the comments, I put a little Bitly link click on and fill it out. We would love to talk to you about how we can get your kids to be motivated as well and excited to do things like algebra to chemistry SAT, ACT, college essays and how they get excited about it when they work with us. So, I hope you’ve had an incredible incredible day. If you have any questions I will take them now please put them below right here in the comment box. I would love to answer any questions that you have. Now, this video is really important to me and the reason why is because again like I said earlier the second leading cause of students between the ages of 13 to 17 is suicide. So, if they don’t have you as a person in their life that they can communicate effectively to. You know that’s going to be a major problem. There’s been a lot of issues that happened between parents and students. It’s really about making sure that your child feels like you have an open door and that they can absolutely communicate with you because when that door was shut. There’s a lot of trouble that can happen with a teenager. I’ve seen it over and over where parents only reach out to us. Right at the end when really things are completely destroyed versus starting early on with us. You know we work with clients as early as seventh grade and it’s really fun to be on the journey with them. Make the journey fun. I don’t hear any adviser telling you “It’s so much fun to get into the college. Test drive is awesome!” No one does that, only I do because it is fun. It is fun if you have the right person on your team. You can really enjoy being a parent. Also, you like my mom and I were pretty much enemies through high school. She’ll tell you that, I should interview her so you guys can really get a sense. I remember this one time when we just weren’t really talking. It was like a Saturday and she took me to lunch. This place called Taco Milagro which doesn’t exist anymore. I remember the soup I ate. I remember we connected deeply and I was like “Whoa this is a really amazing experience I felt this with my mom like years possibly.” So, that’s why this is so important because getting into college. Your kid is going to be leaving you when they go to college. So, why not have an incredible relationship with them. Teach them all the values. All the lessons, everything early on and let us be the megaphone to really motivate your kid. Awesome right? So, go ahead comment below like, share and make sure to like my page. Subscribe to my e-mail list at collegeshortcuts.com if you want to get incredible e-mails and info about the latest and greatest in the admissions process. 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